You made me cry and you don't even care
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
being pregnant is like rehab
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
