i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
