Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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