Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
