when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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