Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
