I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
