How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize