and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
