yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
