He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
