I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
