Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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