Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
