I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
