May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize