is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
