youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
