What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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