I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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