That's intense
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
