You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
