I'm gonna have a badass scar
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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