I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
