We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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