margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
