I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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