just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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