I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
