I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
