i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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