Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
