I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
