Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He shit in the fireplace
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
