$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
