Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
