is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
