I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
