ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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