My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
