dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
