Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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