Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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