He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
