Sry I called you an 8
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
