also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
