I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
