You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize