remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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