i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
