I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
