I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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