I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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