Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
