Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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