I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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