I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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