trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drunk is a universal language darling
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