I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
