Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize