so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
