saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize