I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize