Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
