Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
