u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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