Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
