I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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