I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
