did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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