Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
