i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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