just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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