DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my shit smells like andre
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
