I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
