he thought i was a dude.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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