you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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