It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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