idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
