Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
