Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
