I must be too annoying 4 u.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I see more hoeing in ur future
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
