I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
