I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
