I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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