I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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