Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
