I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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