i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize