My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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