I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
